Hobbyfotograf
Hobbyfotograf
Hobbyfotografin
Two pigs and a woman in a spaceship.
"NASA to Pig One: Deploy antenna!"
"Pig One to NASA: Antenna deployed."
"NASA to Pig Two: Start engines!"
"Pig Two to NASA: Engines started." "NASA to Woman: ..."
"Woman to NASA: I know the drill—feed the pigs and don’t touch anything!"Two pigs and a woman in a spaceship.
"NASA to Pig One: Deploy antenna!"
"Pig One to NASA: Antenna deployed."
"NASA to Pig Two: Start engines!"
"Pig Two to NASA: Engines started." "NASA to Woman: ..."
"Woman to NASA: I know the drill—feed the pigs and don’t touch anything!"Zwei Schweine und eine Frau in einem Raumschiff."NASA an Schwein eins: Antenne ausfahren!""Schwein eins an NASA: Antenne ausgefahren.""NASA an Schwein zwei. Triebwerke starten!""Schwein zwei an NASA: Triebwerke gestartet.""NASA an Frau: ...""Frau an NASA: Ich weiß schon, Schweine füttern und bloß nichts anfassen!"
"NASA to Pig One: Deploy antenna!"
"Pig One to NASA: Antenna deployed."
"NASA to Pig Two: Start engines!"
"Pig Two to NASA: Engines started." "NASA to Woman: ..."
"Woman to NASA: I know the drill—feed the pigs and don’t touch anything!"Two pigs and a woman in a spaceship.
"NASA to Pig One: Deploy antenna!"
"Pig One to NASA: Antenna deployed."
"NASA to Pig Two: Start engines!"
"Pig Two to NASA: Engines started." "NASA to Woman: ..."
"Woman to NASA: I know the drill—feed the pigs and don’t touch anything!"Zwei Schweine und eine Frau in einem Raumschiff."NASA an Schwein eins: Antenne ausfahren!""Schwein eins an NASA: Antenne ausgefahren.""NASA an Schwein zwei. Triebwerke starten!""Schwein zwei an NASA: Triebwerke gestartet.""NASA an Frau: ...""Frau an NASA: Ich weiß schon, Schweine füttern und bloß nichts anfassen!"
Hobbyfotograf
A man walks into a post office and notices another man decorating a huge stack of pink envelopes with heart-shaped stamps and then spraying them with perfume. Curious, he asks what he's doing. "It's simple, I'm preparing the mail for Valentine's Day." "But why so many letters?" "Well, I'm a divorce lawyer..."A man walks into a post office and notices another man decorating a huge stack of pink envelopes with heart-shaped stamps and then spraying them with perfume. Curious, he asks what he's doing. "It's simple, I'm preparing the mail for Valentine's Day." "But why so many letters?" "Well, I'm a divorce lawyer..."Ein Mann kommt in ein Postamt und sieht dort einen anderen Mann, der eine Unmenge rosafarbener Briefumschläge mit Herz-Stempeln schmückt und anschließend mit Parfüm besprüht. Er spricht ihn an, was das soll. "Ganz einfach, ich mache die Post zum Valentinstag." "Aber weshalb so viele Briefe?" "Na ja, ich bin Scheidungsanwalt..."
Hobbyfotograf
THE ULTIMATE LOVE TEST 1. Go to your car 2. Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk 3. Wait for 1 hour 4. Open the trunk again 5. Guess who’s happy to see you? Perfect timing for Valentine’s Day.
Women always expect a gift anyway.
But maybe the dog deserves it more
THE ULTIMATE LOVE TEST 1. Go to your car 2. Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk 3. Wait for 1 hour 4. Open the trunk again 5. Guess who’s happy to see you? Perfect timing for Valentine’s Day.
Women always expect a gift anyway.
But maybe the dog deserves it moreDER ULTIMATIVE LIEBES-TEST 1. Geh zu deinem Auto
2. Schließe deine Frau und d e i n e n Hund im Kofferraum ein 3. Warte 1 Stunde
4. Öffne wieder den Kofferraum
5. Rate mal, wer sich freut, dich zu sehen Sehr passend zum Valentinstag.
Da wollen doch die Frauen immer was geschenkt bekommen.
Aber vielleicht hat es ja der Hund mehr verdient
Women always expect a gift anyway.
But maybe the dog deserves it more
THE ULTIMATE LOVE TEST 1. Go to your car 2. Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk 3. Wait for 1 hour 4. Open the trunk again 5. Guess who’s happy to see you? Perfect timing for Valentine’s Day.Women always expect a gift anyway.
But maybe the dog deserves it more
DER ULTIMATIVE LIEBES-TEST 1. Geh zu deinem Auto2. Schließe deine Frau und d e i n e n Hund im Kofferraum ein 3. Warte 1 Stunde
4. Öffne wieder den Kofferraum
5. Rate mal, wer sich freut, dich zu sehen Sehr passend zum Valentinstag.
Da wollen doch die Frauen immer was geschenkt bekommen.
Aber vielleicht hat es ja der Hund mehr verdient
Hobbyfotograf
The Evolution of Man: 1826: I killed a buffalo. 1926: I trekked to the South Pole. 2026: With this app, I can look like a kitten.The Evolution of Man: 1826: I killed a buffalo. 1926: I trekked to the South Pole. 2026: With this app, I can look like a kitten.Evolution des Mannes: 1826: Ich habe einen Büffel getötet. 1926: Ich war zu Fuß am Südpol. 2026: Mit dieser App kann ich aussehen wie ein Kätzchen.
Hobbyfotograf
The wife is furious: "Karl-Heinz, can you give me a good reason why you're coming home at 2:00 AM?" "The bartender wanted to go to bed!"The wife is furious: "Karl-Heinz, can you give me a good reason why you're coming home at 2:00 AM?" "The bartender wanted to go to bed!"Die Ehefrau ist stinksauer: "Karl-Heinz, kannst du mir einen vernünftigen Grund nennen, warum du jetzt um 2:00 Uhr früh nach Hause kommst?" "Der Wirt wollte ins Bett!"
Hobbyfotograf
A young cat walks into a bar and takes a seat at the counter. The bartender asks, "Milk, as usual?" She replies, "No, today it’s whisky! I want to finally wake up with a hangover for once!"A young cat walks into a bar and takes a seat at the counter. The bartender asks, "Milk, as usual?" She replies, "No, today it’s whisky! I want to finally wake up with a hangover for once!"Eine junge Katze kommt in die Bar und setzt sich an den Thresen. Meint der Wirt: "Milch, wie immer?" Antwortet sie: "Nein, heute Whisky! Ich will auch endlich mal mit einem Kater aufwachen!"
Hobbyfotograf
@Andreas Bibas: Nice story – but with the whiskey I drink, I've never had a hangover. So if needed, try different ones and switch up the brand.@Andreas Bibas: Nice story – but with the whiskey I drink, I've never had a hangover. So if needed, try different ones and switch up the brand.@Andreas Bibas: Nette Geschichte - nur: mit dem Whiskey, den ich trinke habe ich noch keinen "Kater" bekommen. Also notfalls durchprobieren und dabei die Marke wechseln.
Hobbyfotograf
Hobbyfotograf
Two blondes are out for a walk. One of them falls into a hole. The other asks, "Is it dark down there?" "I can't say. I can't see anything."Two blondes are out for a walk. One of them falls into a hole. The other asks, "Is it dark down there?" "I can't say. I can't see anything."Gehen zwei Blondinen spazieren. Da fällt eine in ein Loch. Fragt die andere: "Ist es dunkel da unten?" "Kann ich nicht sagen. Ich sehe nichts."
Hobbyfotograf
Hobbyfotograf
In Vienna, a construction worker, Mr. Maier, falls from the scaffolding and suffers fatal injuries. Now the foreman laments, "Someone has to go to old Mrs. Maier and tell her that her husband is no longer alive." He tasks the helper with delivering the message. An hour later, the helper returns with two cases of beer. The foreman says, "You idiot, you weren’t supposed to buy beer! You were supposed to go to old Mrs. Maier and tell her her husband is dead!" The helper replies, "Yes, boss, I did go to Mrs. Maier! I rang the bell, and Mrs. Maier opened the door." "And then?" the foreman presses. "I said, ‘Are you Widow Maier?’ She said, ‘No!’ So I said, ‘Wanna bet on two cases of beer?’"In Vienna, a construction worker, Mr. Maier, falls from the scaffolding and suffers fatal injuries. Now the foreman laments, "Someone has to go to old Mrs. Maier and tell her that her husband is no longer alive." He tasks the helper with delivering the message. An hour later, the helper returns with two cases of beer. The foreman says, "You idiot, you weren’t supposed to buy beer! You were supposed to go to old Mrs. Maier and tell her her husband is dead!" The helper replies, "Yes, boss, I did go to Mrs. Maier! I rang the bell, and Mrs. Maier opened the door." "And then?" the foreman presses. "I said, ‘Are you Widow Maier?’ She said, ‘No!’ So I said, ‘Wanna bet on two cases of beer?’"In Wien fällt ein Bauarbeiter, Herr Maier, vom Gerüst und verletzt sich tödlich. Jetzt jammert der Polier: "Einer muaß jetzt zur oidn Maierin gehn und der sogn, daß ihr Mo nimmer lebt." Er beauftragt den Hilfsarbeiter die Botschaft zu überbringen. Nach einer Stunde kommt dieser mit zwei Kasten Bier zurück. Der Polier: "Du Depp, du sollst ned Bier kaufn, du solltest zur oidn Maierin gehn und sogn, dass ihr Mo nimmer lebt!" Drauf sagt der Hilfsarbeiter: "Ja Chef, ich war bei Frau Maier! Habe ich geklingelt und Frau Maier öffnet die Tür." "Ja, und weiter", drängelt der Polier. "Sag ich: 'Bist du Witwe Maier?' Sagt sie: 'Nein!' Sag ich: 'Wett ma zwo Kasten Bier?'"
Hobbyfotograf
Semiprofi
@Erich Kremer: I don't think so. This "quality" was already achievable in analog photography and was further developed in digital photography. However, it's fading away in pure AI-generated graphics, where more advanced possibilities exist...@Erich Kremer: I don't think so. This "quality" was already achievable in analog photography and was further developed in digital photography. However, it's fading away in pure AI-generated graphics, where more advanced possibilities exist...@Erich Kremer: Glaub ich nicht. Diese "Qualität" war schon in der Analogfotografie erreichbar, wurden in der Digitalfotografie fortgeschrieben. Ist aber in der reinen KI-Grafik am aussterben, da hat man weitergehende Möglichkeiten......
Semiprofi
@Ulf Simon: Photo wallpapers were analog and usually taken with gradient filters. But you didn’t see the kind of bad image _jokes_ that are so common today.@Ulf Simon: Photo wallpapers were analog and usually taken with gradient filters. But you didn’t see the kind of bad image _jokes_ that are so common today.@Ulf Simon: Fototapeten waren doch analog und meist mit Verlauffilter aufgenommen. Aber so schlechte Bild _Witze_, wie man sie heute oft zu sehen kriegt, waren da nicht dabei.
@Erich Kremer: The joke with photo wallpaper is how tacky those sunsets, tropical beaches, and the like can be. And that's even worse than poor image quality.@Erich Kremer: The joke with photo wallpaper is how tacky those sunsets, tropical beaches, and the like can be. And that's even worse than poor image quality.@Erich Kremer: Der Witz der Fototapete ist die Spießigkeit von Sonnenuntergängen, Tropenstränden etc. Und das ist schlimmer als schlechte BQ
Hobbyfotograf
"I've been out in space many times," boasted the cosmonaut, "but I've never seen God or angels." "And I've operated on many brilliant brains," replied the neuroscientist, "but I've never found a single thought anywhere.""I've been out in space many times," boasted the cosmonaut, "but I've never seen God or angels." "And I've operated on many brilliant brains," replied the neuroscientist, "but I've never found a single thought anywhere.""Ich war schon oft draußen im Weltraum", protzte der Kosmonaut, "aber ich habe weder Gott noch Engel gesehen." "Und ich habe schon viele kluge Gehirne operiert", antwortete der Gehirnforscher, "aber ich habe nirgendwo auch nur einen einzigen Gedanken entdeckt."
Hobbyfotografin
Trump, the Pope, and a young schoolboy are on a plane that’s about to crash. There are only two parachutes. Trump says, “I’m the smartest president in history, America needs me!” He grabs a backpack and jumps out. The Pope turns to the boy and says, “My son, I’m old—take the last parachute.” The boy smiles and replies, “Don’t worry, Holy Father! The smartest president in the world just jumped out with my school bag!”Trump, the Pope, and a young schoolboy are on a plane that’s about to crash. There are only two parachutes. Trump says, “I’m the smartest president in history, America needs me!” He grabs a backpack and jumps out. The Pope turns to the boy and says, “My son, I’m old—take the last parachute.” The boy smiles and replies, “Don’t worry, Holy Father! The smartest president in the world just jumped out with my school bag!”Trump, der Papst und ein kleiner Schuljunge sind in einem Flugzeug, das abstürzt. Es gibt nur zwei Fallschirme. Trump sagt: „Ich bin der klügste Präsident der Geschichte, Amerika braucht mich!“ Er schnappt sich einen Rucksack und springt.Der Papst sagt zum Jungen: „Mein Sohn, ich bin alt, nimm du den letzten Schirm.“Der Junge lächelt: „Keine Sorge, Heiliger Vater! Der klügste Präsident der Welt ist gerade mit meinem Schulranzen abgesprungen!“
Hobbyfotograf
The husband came home on April 1st and said to his wife, "Honey, I've been cheating on you." She replied, "Me too!" Then he said, "April Fools!" She responded, "For me, it's been May, June, July, and August!"The husband came home on April 1st and said to his wife, "Honey, I've been cheating on you." She replied, "Me too!" Then he said, "April Fools!" She responded, "For me, it's been May, June, July, and August!"Der Ehemann kam am 1. April nach Hause und sagte zu seiner Frau: "Du Schatz, ich habe dich betrogen." Darauf sie: "Ich auch!" Darauf er: "April, April!" Sie: "Bei mir Mai, Juni, Juli und August!"
Hobbyfotograf
German scientists have finally figured out what women really want. Unfortunately, by now, the women have changed their minds.German scientists have finally figured out what women really want. Unfortunately, by now, the women have changed their minds.Deutsche Wissenschaftler haben endlich herausgefunden, was Frauen wirklich wollen. Leider haben die Frauen es sich mittlerweile anders überlegt.
Hobbyfotograf
"Dad, what’s the name of Adam’s mother-in-law?" the eight-year-old asks his father. The father replies, "Son, let me put it this way: Adam didn’t have a mother-in-law. He lived in paradise.
“I don’t take my kids’ phones away. I take their chargers instead. That’s when I see the fear in their eyes as the battery slowly drains.
In the Wild West, a little boy runs up to the sheriff: 'Quick, quick, Sheriff, come fast—my dad is being beaten up in the saloon!' The sheriff and the boy rush over to the saloon, where two men are wildly fighting each other. 'Which one is your father?' the sheriff asks. 'No idea! That’s why they’re fighting!'""Dad, what’s the name of Adam’s mother-in-law?" the eight-year-old asks his father. The father replies, "Son, let me put it this way: Adam didn’t have a mother-in-law. He lived in paradise.
“I don’t take my kids’ phones away. I take their chargers instead. That’s when I see the fear in their eyes as the battery slowly drains.
In the Wild West, a little boy runs up to the sheriff: 'Quick, quick, Sheriff, come fast—my dad is being beaten up in the saloon!' The sheriff and the boy rush over to the saloon, where two men are wildly fighting each other. 'Which one is your father?' the sheriff asks. 'No idea! That’s why they’re fighting!'""Papa, wie heißt die Schwiegermutter von Adam?", fragt der Achtjährige seinen Vater. Der Vater antwortet: "Kind, lass es mich so ausdrücken: Adam hatte keine Schwiegermutter. Er lebte im Paradies.
" Ich nehme meinen Kindern nicht ihr Handy weg. Ich nehme ihnen ihr Ladekabel weg. Dann kann ich die Angst in den Augen sehen, wenn der Akku langsam leer wird.
Im Wilden Westen kommt ein kleiner Junge zum Sheriff gerannt: "Schnell, schnell, Sheriff, kommen Sie, mein Vater wird gerade im Saloon verprügelt!" Im Laufschritt eilen beide zum Saloon, wo zwei Männer wie wild aufeinander losschlagen. "Welcher ist denn Dein Vater?" will der Sheriff wissen. "Keine Ahnung! Deswegen prügeln die sich doch."
“I don’t take my kids’ phones away. I take their chargers instead. That’s when I see the fear in their eyes as the battery slowly drains.
In the Wild West, a little boy runs up to the sheriff: 'Quick, quick, Sheriff, come fast—my dad is being beaten up in the saloon!' The sheriff and the boy rush over to the saloon, where two men are wildly fighting each other. 'Which one is your father?' the sheriff asks. 'No idea! That’s why they’re fighting!'""Dad, what’s the name of Adam’s mother-in-law?" the eight-year-old asks his father. The father replies, "Son, let me put it this way: Adam didn’t have a mother-in-law. He lived in paradise.
“I don’t take my kids’ phones away. I take their chargers instead. That’s when I see the fear in their eyes as the battery slowly drains.
In the Wild West, a little boy runs up to the sheriff: 'Quick, quick, Sheriff, come fast—my dad is being beaten up in the saloon!' The sheriff and the boy rush over to the saloon, where two men are wildly fighting each other. 'Which one is your father?' the sheriff asks. 'No idea! That’s why they’re fighting!'""Papa, wie heißt die Schwiegermutter von Adam?", fragt der Achtjährige seinen Vater. Der Vater antwortet: "Kind, lass es mich so ausdrücken: Adam hatte keine Schwiegermutter. Er lebte im Paradies.
" Ich nehme meinen Kindern nicht ihr Handy weg. Ich nehme ihnen ihr Ladekabel weg. Dann kann ich die Angst in den Augen sehen, wenn der Akku langsam leer wird.
Im Wilden Westen kommt ein kleiner Junge zum Sheriff gerannt: "Schnell, schnell, Sheriff, kommen Sie, mein Vater wird gerade im Saloon verprügelt!" Im Laufschritt eilen beide zum Saloon, wo zwei Männer wie wild aufeinander losschlagen. "Welcher ist denn Dein Vater?" will der Sheriff wissen. "Keine Ahnung! Deswegen prügeln die sich doch."
Hobbyfotograf
@Andreas Bibas:Hobbyfotograf
Hobbyfotograf
Peter comes home covered in bruises. His mother asks, "Son, what happened?" "I dueled with Klaus, and he got to choose the weapons." "And what did he pick?" "His big brother."Peter comes home covered in bruises. His mother asks, "Son, what happened?" "I dueled with Klaus, and he got to choose the weapons." "And what did he pick?" "His big brother."Peter kommt mit lauter blauen Flecken nach Hause. Fragt seine Mutter: "Junge, was ist denn passiert?" "Ich hab mich mit Klaus duelliert, und er durfte die Waffen wählen." "Und was hat er gewählt?" "Seinen großen Bruder."
Hobbyfotograf
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Hobbyfotograf
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